Memories

I didn’t get a chance to write on April 10th this year, like I try to do every year when that day roles around.. But I still have things to say about that day. So here we go….

April 10th, 2013 marked eleven years since Taylor died, and it was a tough day to get through… But good news? I did. I made it. And I know Taylor would be proud, because I didn’t turn to self-harm like I have done in past years.

Taylor Conrad…. It doesn’t seem fair that your life was cut short, that you didn’t get to live your dreams the way you wanted to… But I know that things happen for a reason, and in losing you, things changed. But in the long run, they changed for good. It took us a long time to realize that…

Taylor’s story has influenced so many people, and has even saved lives. For that, I am always going to be thankful.

For those who never got a chance to know my brother, they missed out on a great guy, a wonderful friend, and an absolutely amazing older brother. They don’t know what they missed… For those who treated him badly in his short 19 years… I wish you all only knew just how much that hurt him. Taylor was the type of person that never had a bad word to say about anyone… He wasn’t much of a complainer, and he always had a way of making other people feel loved and special. He made sure to help others before helping himself. He would do anything in his power just to make people happy.

His smile lit up a room, and I would give anything to see that smile again. Even if it’s just one more time.

If there’s one thing I could say to Taylor today, I would thank him for everything he taught me in the 9 short years I knew him… It’s so weird to think that even though he was only 19 years old when he died, I only knew him for 9 of them because of the difference in our ages. I loved every minute I spent with Tay. Yes, he annoyed me sometimes…(it’s a big brother’s job), I’m sure I did my fair share as well… But I wouldn’t trade a single second of the time we had. I cherish the memories.

I love, and miss you every single day, Taylor! ❤ Thank you for painting me a beautiful sunset on your day… It helped me realize that you're still here with me. ❤